NC (vo): (as Bastian) They changed actors twice. Coreander: Bastian? What in the world happened to you? Coreander, don't you remember me? Bastian! Bastian Balthazar Bux. Yeah, is it me or do they always meet this way?īastian: Mr. NC (vo): Too bad! You got the dick-cheese from Free Willy! Enjoy! He's being chased by some bullies and hides in the school library, where he comes across the librarian from the first two films, played this time by Freddie Jones. (Bastian (now played by Jason James Ritcher) is seen running from bullies in a school hall) A voracious leader of great imagination, and extraordinary courage. Scribe: To stop The Nasty, even temporarily, would require a special young human. NC: The hell's the villain in the next film gonna be called? The. In the first film, it was The Nothing, the second film, it was The Emptiness. This is a sign that The Nasty is on the way. Scribe: There will be a day when the writing stylus will start to act strangely. Yeah, just burn the pages after Part 1 pal it'll save you four-hours. NC (vo): Apparently, there's this Dumble-douche who spends most of his time recording the tales of the NeverEnding Story. (Scene cuts to Scribe making letters appear in book.) (Poster of the White Witch of Narnia appears with text "Welcome to Narly-na") I guess this is supposed to be Fantasia, but Lord knows it looks more like a theme park from the fucking White Witch of Narnia. Doesn't it look like it's just leaping out at you? Hell, the credits look more three-dimensional. NC (vo): First of all, look at this stellar computer animation. So I will do my best to keep this review under a millennium long, but I make no promises. (throws it away) These are the (brings a thick stack of papers on his desk) notes of things that are wrong with the movie, so as you can imagine, there's a lot to talk about. NC: (holds up DVD of movie) This is the movie. ( Troll 2 cover appears) WELL, IT'S STILL BAD! It's one of the worst sequels to a franchise I have ever seen, period. (NeverEnding Story 2 title card appears) THE LAST SLAP IN THE FACE TO IT! But give NeverEnding Story 2 some credit, it wasn't.THIS! This is the Mortal Kombat 2 of sequels the Batman & Robin the. NC (vo): I mean, this is anus scum! Literally, fresh-from-the-ass anus scum! This is one of the worst slaps in the face to a really great movie since. (Title card and clips of NeverEnding Story 3 are shown while NC speaks.) (inhales) And if these sequels are ANYTHING like the movie I just saw, I am in serious shit, man! Serious, serious shit! (long beat) NeverEnding Story III. (sobs) I have to review terrible, terrible sequels to movies I've already looked at. NC: All through the month of January, I have to review. (title card of Sequel Month appears, where a stick figure of the NC's face, which looks disgusted, is shown, with the same music from Adventure Ho!(e)/?/.) (continues crying) And welcome to the first installment. NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it (voice cracks) so you don't have to. (NC is shown with his head down, sobbing.)
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